I always believed in love. The books I read, movies I watched, and what I was told by adults always made me think that one day my soulmate would find me and I’d live happily ever after.
My disillusionment happened much like someone’s loss of faith. Something horrific happens and you question if there is a god and if so why the hell does he or she allow something so awful to occur. When it came to love I felt that it was wonderful to love someone but being in love is a road to eventual heartbreak.
I read tons of posts where people lament their lack of love and I feel their pain. I want them to find what they are looking for even though I think being in love is a myth. It’s like appreciating your friend loves church and being a Christian but you personally are an atheist. When I read posts where people are gushing because they are madly in love I am happy for them. My cyclical heart though wonders when the inevitable disappointment will happen. When will their faith falter?
One of my favorite songs is “Cellophane Heart” by Sara Jackson-Holman. She sings how she will wrap her heart to keep it safe from you. So I see that my beliefs are to keep me safe and to protect myself? Absolutely. Do I want to remove that cellophane and allow the possibility of love to enter? No. I’m content in my cynicism even though I’m still cheering for you to believe. Maybe I’m hoping I can find my faith if you do.