I asked for my rape

My posse my senior year was Kristen and Lora.  Lora was dating a guy who told us to attend a party that Saturday in the neighboring city.  The Posse got dressed up and went to what was a high school party of frat party levels. The home was a mansion on a lake with a pool, game room and several bedrooms.  Kristen was so trashed Lora and her boyfriend drove her back to our town.  Without me.  They couldn’t find me because I was naked hot tubing.  I got dressed later and couldn’t find them.  My parents thought I was at Lora’s so calling them to drive to the next town to get me was not going to happen.  My parents weren’t that open minded.  So I stayed.  

As people left I began to get self-conscious of my cute sundress and asked for a hoodie.  The host swore he had no hoodies.  I found a throw but it was wrestled off me.  

As the evening progressed everyone left except the host and three of his friends.  Then the lights went out. No light in the house worked.  I’d go room to room but all that happened would be groping. 

My breasts, ass and, mouth were touched and kissed as I stumbled around in the dark.  I hid in a corner for a while behind a tall plant but a flashlight found me and I took off sprinting as Indian war cries filled the atrium of the mansion.   

I made it upstairs and fell into a bathroom.  Unfortunately, it was a jack and Jill.  I was grabbed and forced over the sink and fucked by someone.  He left when he finished and was laughing.  He yelled to the others he had won First Place. Second better come to find me. I ran.  I found another bath and there was only one door.  I hear them argue and the host says his parents will kill him if they break the door.  They set outside the door till they passed out.  I laid on the bathroom floor trying to cry as quietly as possible. 

The next day the host drove me home.  He was polite and even offered to take me to breakfast which I declined.  I got to Lora’s and showered for 30 minutes even as the water went cold.

Lora knew something was wrong but we never talked about it. I’ve never told anyone until this week.  I didn’t tell anyone because I was underage and shouldn’t have been drinking.  I deserved it. I was naked hot tubing and my friends couldn’t find me.  I deserved it. My dress covered me but you could see I had nice legs and shoulders.  I wanted boys to notice.  I was the only girl left at a party at the end of the night.  I was asking for it. 

That is what I knew my mom would say.  So I never told anyone.  Then my friend asks why someone would wait years after they left school to accuse someone.  When I told my husband this week he asked what I was wearing. So why would I not say anything?

“Because I felt just by being female they were entitled.” 

2 Comments Add yours

  1. RW says:

    There is no way that I can understand the way you feel.
    Even though you and I have never been “close”, just know that you have affected me in a very positive way through your writing .❤️


    1. Thank you. I try to use my writing as my own journal to help me sort my own issues but hope that by doing so publicly I help someone along the way. 😘


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