Currently I have a relationship with four people; my spouse, two men and a female. Being in an open marriage has really grown my sexuality in ways I never anticipated. I have always been a sexual creature. Even when I was a virgin I was told by an older man I oozed sex. I didn’t understand what that meant till recently when a play partner informed me that I walk, smile and talk like someone who would be fun in bed. He said I could be talking about gardening and men’s minds would go other places because of my enthusiasm and animation for the topic. Flattering words and it helped me understand why I attract a lot of unwanted attention.
That is the thing about sexuality, it isn’t something based on looks per se. I have seen larger women who own some wicked confidence and everything about them appears sensual. On the flipside I have seen beautiful fit women who make the term cold fish pop into my head. One of my favorite lovers favored Prince William; hair thinning, goofy smile, eyes slightly buggy. He was shy and had a difficult time looking me in the eye when we first met. That man rocked my world every time he touched me.
Each of my lovers sees me as something different. My female lover likes me because I am a curvy woman. She is very petite so next to her I am. My younger man sees me as his small vixen. I am his obedient but sometimes saucy redhead who loves to serve him. My other lover has a primal hold over me. He goes from the suited professional at dinner to the hungry wolf the minute our hotel door closes. At home I am the sassy, opinionated and friend my husband admires me for. He calls me his kitten because I am spunky and fearless. He sees himself as my protector. He allows me to go out into the world and explore but always allowed to return home to his safe arms.
I feel that sometimes we are so worried about being something particular to one person we forget there are several facets to our personality and appearance. I like my younger man finds me to be tiny because he is a giant. My female enjoys my curves and how I use my size to dominate her. To each of them I am Libby but they all have different views on what that encompasses. They each bring out different qualities of my sexuality and my personality. With them I can be me but also continue to grow my sexuality. There will never be a morning I wake up and think I know everything about who I am or what I will do. It is another reason I will never be a One Twue Way disciple.