The Leaf Nazi and his giant cross

Our neighborhood has lots of trees and during the fall leaf removal becomes an Olympic sport. My neighbors become gladiators toting leaf blowers and rakes or chariots of lawnmowers with bag attachments. It is extremely competitive and these men pride themselves on a leaf free yard. One in particular who I have even witnessed wearing a head lamp due to the darkness brandishing a rake I have bequeathed the name Leaf Nazi. I swear the man has sensors in his yard that alert him a leaf has landed and although it is 3 AM he must alight from his warm bed and seek out the offensive leaf.

Last year Leaf Nazi erected a 7 foot cross in his yard the week of Easter. I had hoped the cross would be taken down after Easter but no such luck. This adds to the schizophrenic landscape of his yard with multiple cat, mushroom and gnome statuary. I was disheartened this winter that he had decided his gnomes were looking weathered and he decided to spruce them up with fresh paint. Gnomes now are wearing bright yellow pants, red shirts and neon blue hats. Gnomes apparently are colorblind.

One day driving by I noticed that the fashionably challenged gnomes had taken up residence under the cross. Not being a Christian but having grown up as one I thought it might be a tad sacrilegious but I also think the gargantuan cross is tacky as yard art but to each his own.

That afternoon I see the gnomes have moved to sun themselves by the mailbox again on the opposite side of the yard from the cross. My first thought is Leaf Nazi has too much time in his hands. My second thought is maybe these colorblind gnomes come to life when I leave for work and move themselves. Crafty gnomes.

This has now happened a few times where the gnomes have moved in the night and gone to hold church service beneath the cross. Yesterday there was a cardboard sign by the mailbox that read
leave my gnomes alone

Having discovered that apparently one of my other neighbors is covertly moving the gnomes brings me sick glee. I want to know who it is so I can invite them over for cocktails. I just know we would get along.

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